My mom.

This is an actual email from my mother.  She was on her annual trip to Florida with her “Book Club” girlfriends.  Although I would hazard to say that no ‘real’ books are read on this trip.  If you don’t know my mom – it is helpful to add that when she travels, she suffers from a bit of anxiety about trip details.  It should also be noted that whenever bad things happen to our family it seems one of us is out of the country.

Mom’s Email to me:

“Very very very upset…, almost had a stroke - was so  upset .. we arrived … After the flight delayed…. Waited 1/2 for them to check us out with the car…. Accident over the bridge( -10 min from here) delayed 30 min in traffic( first time ever) … Got groceries ( yuk) and then .. Was told our balcony was under repair ( all the balconies) … And can’t be used – the balcony is our salvation!!! And not available !’ Soooooo upset and angry !!!

Anyway … Sat at  the beach and watched the waves and sunset and tried to calm down ..,All is ok -just upset ..No wifi at the pool or beach .. so limited … Love and hugs xx mom”


Darling Daughter’s Response:

Well – your opening line almost gave me a stroke! Here I am thinking someone has died (literally) and it turns out – no death, not even the smell of death, in fact not even a bit of blood, blood clots, hernias, herniated discs, sprains, strains, gallstones or irritable bowel syndrome.
In fact it appears that in sentence number two you might have been in an accident but, you just drove by one.  With my heart still pounding (thinking something terrible has happened)  I see that getting groceries was yucky (albeit cheaper than here) and that your “salvation” (not that anyone died and went to heaven there)  but your earthly salvation, the balcony, is under repair at which point you were forced outside – in the Florida weather and elements to sit by the ocean during the sunset.  It is here that you were unable to ‘connect’ to the place that is cold, raining and forecasting storms for the entire day.
Whew – I am hoping you have wine, some pepcid and make sure you take gravol – then the three of you can have a snoring contest and tomorrow the sun will shine, the sky will look like heaven and you’ll listen to the beautiful waves oceanside.
I will be there with you in my dreams:)  Enjoy your trip, there is no one screaming at you, no one asking you to feed them, no small human hanging from your nipple and there are no men there to fuck up your day:)
I love you – and I am sincerely glad no one actually had a stroke.  I know this is upsetting to you – but you shall prevail!  The three musketeers can drink and dance away any balcony blues – dip into your champagne and have a toast to friends and all the suckers that are here with jackets and hats on.
I miss you and I  love you - PLEASE DO NOT DIE. Oh – if you are going to have a stroke, perhaps it would be better if it was a big one (like DNR style), you know,my diaper schedule is already pretty booked up here.
Love your #1 daughter.
(ps – I will be gone all day tomorrow at the training course – also not a good day to die or try and reach me)  I will be reconnected by 6pm.

My fabulous mom.

If you don’t know my mom, her email may make her appear to need a ‘head shake’ but there are three things that you could never know from reading it about my mom.

1) My mom is a cool head in a crisis. An actual crisis. There is no one I would want around more than my mom when the real shit hits the fan. She held my hand through three babies and wiped my tears at every turn of life’s chapters.
2) My mom is one of the most compassionate, loving people I know. She gives with all her heart. She loves animals and people and would save the world from all harm and pain if she could.  She’s a dreamer that believes in magic, and fairy dust and love.
3) My mom has always been there for me. Period. She has been my friend, my cheerleader, my nurse, my guide, my support, and my advocate. She may not have always been the conductor of the train but a steady passenger that watched and waited as I stopped at every station until I found my own way.
Although I am finishing this post 18 minutes past mother’s day – this is my card to you mom.  Thank you for being you and being the best mom ever.  I love you.