That's a long line at the U-SCAM

There are long lists and debates over  the world’s most life enhancing inventions.  Computers,  vaccinations, space ships – lots and lots of things that have changed our world for the better.

There is one and exactly one invention that by far outstrips all others for the grand title of the worst piece of crap ever created.

Two words: Self-Scan.

I like to call it Self-SCAM. (profanity advisory) When I am really angry it’s dubbed Fuck-U-Scan.  For anyone that doesn’t know what I am talking about, these are the self check-out lines at grocery stores and Walmart like establishments.

Where the bar code was revolutionary in the way retail purchases were processed, the Fuck-U-scan was only invented to waste human life hours. This horrific-ness is compounded by the fact that those that promote it – think that we don’t get the fact that it saves them money.  Like try, a bajillion dollars a year.

Beware Walmart and Superstore – people against U-scam will be heard.  They will revolt against your money hoarding. Somewhere right now, a mother of 3 is inventing a device that will ‘render you dead’ if you ever try to incorporate machines that waste our precious time while doing the most under appreciated task in the world.

9 Reasons why I’d rather starve then use U-Scan at the grocery store.

1) Sometimes there is a line at the U-scam checkout.  Can you believe it?  Not only do you have to do all their work you have to wait in line.  Who invented this? The government?

2) U-scam is supposed to make you believe that you will save time.  Right, I’m pretty sure that when I pay the price on a peice of food, it used to include someone using the cash register and placing my item in a bag for me.

3) I have 27 cans of spaghettios. Is it really necessary to make me scan each one?  Is it that I am so stupid that I can’t type 2-7 and then it would multiply the cost by 27?  Holy shit balls, I need Ritalin to finish this order.

4) Maybe there should be a discount for people that use U-scam?  This would make it  mildly plausible why someone would choose this option.  This way all the people that don’t value their time – like students and senior citizens can squander their remaining heart beats on processing their grocery order in hopes of saving 14 cents.   I hate it when you are in the regular lines anyway, bunch of no-money, baggy-pant wearing punks and coin purse digging old ladies.  U-scam is bringing out the worst in me.

5) it’s not enough that we now have to bring our own bags and bag our own groceries  but now you still want me to believe that U-scan is a good idea?  If I were a grocery cashier I might have to find the bar code on bacon 76 times in one day.  I DON’T KNOW WHERE THE BAR CODE IS ON BACON.  I am a guest at your grocery store, I don’t get a paycheck.  It’s like inviting friends over and asking them to find your favourtie socks.  They’d probably say, really?  I’m not sure where to look since I don’t live here OR WEAR YOUR FUCKING SOCKS.

One 'cashier' eight Self-Scan lanes

6) “please get cashier assistance”  Sure, now I have to attract the attention of a 15 year old texting with the other laz-about u-scan attendants to help me?  Is it not enough that I drove to the store, picked out the groceries, scanned them, bagged them and paid for them but now I have to also get the attention of the one person WHOSE JOB IT WAS IN THE FIRST PLACE?

7) “For large or heavy items please see cashier”…see number 6.

8.) “Do you have any coupons?  Please present them to the cashier”.  Hang on – oh I just killed myself, you’d better call someone to clean up the aisle.

9) ” Do you want cash back?”  Yes, for doing your fucking job.

MAKE IT STOP.  Take a stand against U-scam.  Better yet, load up your cart with about $400 dollars worth of groceries then notice that only U-scam is open and leave the whole cart for them to put away.

My prediction?  U-Scan will be the next place someone goes ‘postal’ and flies a prop-plane into the grocery check-out line.   Post comments only if your pants have a belt and you don’t rummage around in your purse for exact change.