This is crazy.  In my head I’m in my 20′s.  Is there any going back?  Turning forty is not just about looking older,  no it’s definitely hard to grasp that time is slipping away.

7 thoughts that have been plaguing my mind as this birthday approaches.

Not much has changed..... me at 6.

1) It’s okay for everyone else to turn 40.  It’s not okay for me.  Other people should be forty.  They are mature, have a career and lots of RRSP’s.  The other day I threw out all my towels and bought all white towels.  Why?  Because the correct post-laundry towel colour never ends up in the right bathroom. My bathrooms always look like rainbow rooms.  I threw them out.  Now there is no confusion, all white towels match every bathroom.  I’m going to be forty and I can’t own coloured towels.

2) I am completely unemployable.  By forty I thought I would be entrenched in my career.  Nope.  After working for myself for so long, I now know that I probably cannot work for anyone.  Unless of course I can have holidays whenever I want, be home to pick up the kids, have every Friday off and work at my kitchen table while eating rows of cookies.

3) I am currently suffering from a mid-life crisis with no money to spend on a fast car.  When my mom was forty, I was in university.  I am 40 and I HAVE A 3 MONTH OLD BABY.  What is wrong with this picture? Am I trying to hang on to my youth by proving I am fertile?

My "office".

4) I have come to terms with the fact that I am not immortal. Worse than dying, I think about being incapacitated.  Oh dear. This would be worse than death – well because I would still be alive.

Back to the mortality issue.  My mother asks me if I have a will and if I have done my power of attorney?  Yikes these are big people words that indicate death on some future date.  A quick side note on my death:

a) If I die in an obscure, ironic or just plain funny way- please use social media to get the greatest number of comments.  This would be most pleasing to me because I would do the same for you.  No grace period is required on funny jokes.  Just make sure they are witty jokes and not just stupid ones.

b) If I am losing my mind please just off me.  I do not want friends or family working on “Heather’s diaper schedule”.

c) Please give my most expensive toys to people that can actually use them.  Do not give my mountain bike to someone “that is just learning or is afraid of single track” or my, wait, it seems I only have one toy worth gifting.  Note to self – buy more gifts for me.

5) I am not famous.  This really was on my list of high hopes.  I should have gone to Fame school but of course that wasn’t what was sensible.  Fame school wouldn’t get you a good job or a secure financial future…wait a minute, shit I should’ve gone to Fame school.

My Kids still think I am pretty. Haha, by the time they are 20, Mommy will be saggy.

6) When I can actually talk to my kids like normal humans (when they turn 26) I will be so old they won’t want to talk to me.  They will call to check in to see that I haven’t fallen and if I am taking my medications.  They will probably think I am old fashion and ask me how I know so much about “history”.  By the time my children have kids,  I could quite possibly be dead.  hmm.

7) I am in denial.  Yep straight up denial.  40 is for other people.  My younger friends that are like 36 years old are not heeding my warnings.  ”Guys, soon you will be forty too” and “you will wonder what the hell you are doing with your life.  Where is the nice house and cottage? Where are the great vacations and art investments? Why does the inside of my car look like a frat house meets romper room?”

This mid-life crisis will not be a whiney diatribe about what I should’ve done with my life.  Look at  J.K. Rowling – first book at 32 and multi millionaire from then on.  Forty is not by any means a death sentence it is just a gentle whisper that tells you it’s time to do everything you have been meaning to do for the last 39 years.

Look out world, I’m not taking this birthday lying down!  This will be the year that marks the birth of a new me.  I will try not to make it a narcissistic  year but a rebirth of all the dreams I have been hanging onto.  It’s time to either put them in motion or cut the cord.  Happy Birthday to me!

Post comments if you are over forty and did something spectacular or cool, or even just something okay – well, um, post comments if you made it to forty and didn’t self destruct, that should be inspiration enough for me.