Kid's b-day parties - just the thought makes my mouth go dry.

In this crazy world of Google self-help I entered the words “angry moms”.  Why?  because there are times, mostly by 8pm that I am an angry mom. Not a “crazy-angry beat-my-kids at Walmart mom” more like a deep simmering ‘grrr’. So here it is:

I am angry at the world. I am angry with my husband. I am angry at the kids – in fact I look around and feel exasperated and angry.  With online therapy in mind, I set out to see if there were other angry moms in cyberspace that might be able to help.

Google:  “angry moms”

#1 hit: 2 angry moms

Great, here we go.  Two angry moms. It reads like my best friend and I talking on the phone after the kids go to bed lamenting, ‘why can’t we be better moms?’.  I click on their website:

“We are two angry moms.”

Perfect. This is the kind of online support I need.

“The cafeteria at our school promotes unhealthy food choices over the healthy lunches we pack.”

Huh? You’re angry about what your kids are eating at school?  Oh lord. I’m angry at the world and you are angry at the cafeteria ladies. I’m angry because 82% of the domestic chores are my responsibility and you are angry because Pepsi owns half of all the products in the grocery store?  Clearly you two angry moms are not the kind of angry mom I’m looking for. In fact your complaints just add to my angry resentment of all moms trying to be uber perfect. Fit, healthy, anxiety laiden moms that organize princess birthday parties with excessive loot bags.

Back to my quest. Aren’t there any other angry moms out there?  Am I really the only one?  Am I the only person that wants to tell their kids at least once a day, ‘to shut the eff up’?  I didn’t grow up in a trailer park, my mom and dad loved me unconditionally and I have a university education. I waited to get married until I actually found someone that I could hang with for at least 20 good years. What is wrong with me? Why am I angry and why does it appear that Google, the God of all answers , is denying that I exist?  I mean honestly, type in some weird sort of fetish and you will get at least five links to forums and meeting groups but type in ‘angry mom’ and you get women that are worried about the vegetable intake at their school?

That’s when it hit me. No one says they are angry unless the are on  Dr Phil (The new Jerry Springer). Anger is a no-no word. I retried my search on God-gle with the following:

GOOGLE:  Stressed out mom

Sure enough I had found the motherload – literally.

Yup. Moms are disguising their anger with the words ‘stressed out’. What a load of crap. I’m not stressed, that’s a word I like to use when I’m talking about the breaking point of metal or a very complex project with multiple timelines.   Stress has ‘tools and techniques that can be applied to help you deal with uncomfortable occurrences’.

HA HA.  I’m pretty sure it’s anger I feel and I have a pretty good understanding of why.  Here’s the formula:

Ingredients:

10 extra pounds

8 bicycles in one garage

2 pre-schoolers

1 house with not enough bedrooms

1 infant

1 husband

1 work at home mom

0 maternity leave or pay

Take above ingredients and mix with chronic sleep deprivation, add a dash of children with ears painted on and season with hunting weekend husband.  Once those are mixed together combine with additional spices like, birthday party, school play, vaccinations, taxes and a pinch of family obligations.  Bake in the oven at $400 dollars per grocery trip and you have created the perfect dish:  Angry mom.  Best eaten alone. No one wants to share Angry Mom Dish.

To all those out there that are angry – breath easy, I am here for you.  It appears the angry mom recipe is not such a hot seller – no problem we will just rebrand it to the less factual – Stressed-Out-Mom dish.

See their little grumpy faces?

To all you moms out there – I hear your cries.  They didn’t call the number one game app “stressed birds” nope – who wants to play that?.  Just grab a glass of wine, let the dirty crap pile up and get some rest.  Send this to all your friends so that Google will have this column come up first when you type “angry mom” instead of the great cafeteria broccoli debate.

Good night. I feel significantly less angry – I mean stressed.